Feedback is a true story

[00:00:02] Feedback has been a recurring theme throughout the life of this podcast, and not surprisingly so. It is central to leadership and workplace success. However, this month, we've made it the sole focus of our notes and conversations.

[00:00:17] Today, I want to distill these thoughts and provide you with a simple, actionable set of lessons learned. I'll start with this distillation, then a short commentary on one aspect of feedback that cannot be overlooked, and end with sharing some thoughts on a related leadership skill to consider practicing in tandem with giving feedback.

[00:00:38] You're listening to The Well-led Podcast, and I'm your host, Kate Johnson. When we look back at the last three episodes, there are several big ideas or takeaways we could reflect upon. Effective leaders begin feedback before a feedback conversation even happens. They do this by setting clear expectations.

[00:01:03] Feedback requires preparation. This means taking the time to compare outcomes to expectations. If we expect action or change, we must deliver feedback with specificity and kindness. A follow-up turns feedback into genuine support. We can remove the common barrier of fear by reframing feedback as care, not correction.

[00:01:32] Leaders earn the right to deliver feedback when they are open to receiving it. Treating feedback as an ongoing investment in people leads to better performance. Feedback can't get stale, so deliver it when it can still help. Remember that feedback can live with someone for years. What you say and how matters. Feedback is a habit.

[00:01:59] It takes time and intention for you to develop an effective feedback practice. Even for three episodes, this is a lot to consider. So let me attempt to simplify and streamline these lessons in a way that you can use. First, I will give you a trio of mindsets that can support taking action to deliver feedback. Then we'll discuss specific actions you can't take to bring each mindset to life.

[00:02:27] If we want feedback to be a form of support, then it's important to be mindful. Literally. The perspective you choose to hold about feedback will ultimately influence the choices you make and actions you take. So, the path to effective supportive feedback begins with mindsets. I've reflected on this topic for years and spent time considering everything we've said about feedback this month.

[00:02:53] And I've landed on three key mindsets that will have the greatest positive impact. Mindset number one, balanced, compassionate feedback is how I support my team. We could make this even simpler if we wished by just saying feedback is not punishment. But I like to include the reminder that supportive feedback is an act of compassion and that it includes more than addressing concerns.

[00:03:22] Support includes highlighting the times when people do well. Mindset number two, effective feedback depends on my clarity and accountability. You can give feedback without clarity and accountability, sure, but it will not be effective. Clear expectations, the byproduct of clarity and accountability, are the necessary conditions for performance feedback.

[00:03:48] Without them, your comments or observations are ungrounded and potentially irrelevant. Mindset number three, if I want to offer feedback, not unhelpful criticism, then I need to follow up. Feedback is a means of recounting what was done and what impact it created. I define this as the ability to manage by telling the story of work performance to an employee. This story doesn't end with the telling.

[00:04:18] Instead, it continues until you validated that it had the desired effect. For example, in the case of constructive feedback, you need to confirm that the employee made the changes you discussed. That's where the support really happens. Now, what actions naturally follow these mindsets? Well, if I hold the mindset that feedback is support, then I will take actions to make feedback the norm, something that happens frequently and consistently.

[00:04:47] I will use the language of support. Let me help you see what I'm talking about. Or what additional support do you need to do this? So just two examples. I will also look for opportunities to give feedback that aren't exclusively focused on missed expectations so that I can recognize and affirm the right behaviors and performance outcomes. If I treat clarity and accountability as the foundation for delivering feedback,

[00:05:16] then I will consistently ensure that people know what is expected of them. I will not assume they just know. I will examine my own communication and confirm that people knew what to do and how. When I do deliver feedback, this mindset prompts me to align that feedback to the original expectation. And if I maintain the perspective that follow-up is what turns feedback into support, then I'll follow up.

[00:05:45] And I'll embed the terms of follow-up into the feedback I give, making certain it's a clear element of performance management. This could sound like, Jane, I'll follow up with you on Friday to see if you've run into the same problems or not. And when I do that, then I'm keeping my commitment. Ultimately, that's what this all comes down to. A commitment to your employees. To support them. To take responsibility for being clear and accountable.

[00:06:15] To be present at key times. To be on their side. Kim, this month's guest, and I discussed something I want to devote time to here. Feedback is a kind of story. Specifically, it is a true story of performance. The truth of the feedback story you share is key. This is not to say that you may be lying during feedback,

[00:06:44] although that is always to be avoided. Rather, this is about how we craft the most effective story, the truest story. There are techniques to consider that will render your feedback precise and even more palatable to others. That will make it truly true. First, help yourself by relying on a simple framework to organize your feedback message.

[00:07:11] This will produce consistent results and reduce your effort. I'm an advocate for using what, why, how, when. What was the specific measurable outcome? Why does this result matter to the business? How exactly did it vary from the original expectation? And when are changes, if any, necessary? And when will we talk again? With the shape of the story managed,

[00:07:39] we can now pay attention to ways of grounding your feedback in reality. I think it happens in two steps. First, removing ego. Second, choosing precision. In our collaboration on our feedback guide, Kim has done a great job of keeping us aligned to the idea that feedback is not about the giver. If we want to do feedback well, then the person receiving the feedback must be the star of the story, so to speak.

[00:08:09] Keep the other person at the center. And this is easiest when you take your ego out of the picture. Check if you're talking about yourself. If your concerns or feelings are getting in the way, if you're over-reliant on your own assumptions, or worst case, if the feedback was triggered by your annoyance. Even reminding yourself, this is not about me, right before you begin a feedback conversation can go a long way to staying true.

[00:08:38] For the second step, listen to the words you use. I coach leaders to try to avoid adjectives and adverbs, because these are the language of fiction. Feedback can and should be direct and contain just enough detail, the right amount of detail, to communicate the what, why, how, when. If you hear yourself saying, you're always late, you aren't staying grounded in reality.

[00:09:07] The reality is, you've been late for your last three shifts. Use measurements, exact language, patterns, and similar verbal tools to deliver feedback that is true and easy to accept. Just as a framework can reduce your effort to deliver feedback, egoless and precise messages will be easier for the other person to receive. This will help you both stay focused on what matters, maintaining the relationship,

[00:09:37] and prioritizing outcomes. And speaking of receiving feedback, I'm of the opinion that delivery is not the only feedback skill a leader needs. The best feedback happens as a conversation. It involves both a giver and a receiver. This means that we need to build skills that address all facets or both sides of feedback,

[00:10:05] preparing and delivering it to others, and then asking for receiving and responding to feedback for ourselves. For right now, though, I want to zoom in on receiving feedback. Frank, one of this month's Other Voices contributors, highlighted that leaders improve feedback culture when they are first open to it themselves. Leading well means having a willingness to move out of the feedback giver role,

[00:10:33] to do it actively and frequently. It's about more than being a role model. It's about making feedback the standard. We can accomplish this in two ways, and these are things that you can do today, tomorrow. There is no need to wait or to take weeks to prepare because you only build the skill by practicing it. First, we have requests for feedback into regular conversations.

[00:11:03] Questions like, what could I do differently next time? Or what do you need from me that I'm not providing? Or invitations to your employees to give you feedback. Second, and this may be the most important thing you do as a leader. When you ask questions like these, and someone is brave enough to speak up and answer with feedback, the first words out of your mouth must be, thank you.

[00:11:33] Just thank you. You don't have to agree with what you've heard. You don't have to apply it right away. You don't need to explain or defend yourself. In fact, I do not recommend that reaction. Simply say, thank you. If you need time to process, tell them so. Thank you. I'd like to take a little time to reflect on what you've shared. Would it be okay if we connected next week? If you're able to do it in the moment,

[00:12:03] consider responding this way. Thank you. I really appreciate that. I'm going to consider what you said, how I will apply it, and let you know what questions I may have. If you notice, even responding that you need time includes a point of follow-up. So does the more general response. You see, it's just like when you deliver feedback. Because you are the leader. Making follow-up part of feedback

[00:12:31] transforms it into support. When you are the feedback giver, it's about supporting the person's performance and success. When you are the receiver, follow-up supports respect, openness, and psychological safety. These Lessons for Effectiveness episodes are all about applying the lessons from the Well-Led podcast and putting important leadership skills into practice.

[00:12:59] Today, I want to offer you a few choices for how you can do this. Adopt one of the mindsets that can help you deliver effective, supportive feedback. These are balanced, compassionate feedback is how I support my team. Effective feedback depends on my clarity and accountability. Or if I want to offer feedback and not unhelpful criticism, then I need to follow up. Or consider using your next instance

[00:13:29] of giving feedback to ground your story in reality by removing ego and choosing precision. Focus on the other person and craft a clear message that relies on facts. Or you can take a step toward making feedback the standard by accepting it yourself. Ask for feedback with openness and respond with gratitude. Any one of these has the potential to improve your feedback skills and to transform how feedback is used

[00:13:58] and perceived on your team. And either of these results can have a lasting impact on your people and performance. The latest companion toolkit is now available. Check the show notes for a link to request your copy. And when you subscribe, you'll receive new tools automatically as they're released. Subscribers will also be among the first to hear when Kim and I release

[00:14:28] It's Giving Feedback, the ultimate guide to supporting performance with confidence, kindness, and precision. If this episode was useful, you can support the show by following or subscribing on your preferred podcast platform or by sharing it with someone who's navigating similar leadership challenges. We'll be back next Tuesday and later this season, we'll explore the role and importance of authenticity in leadership. Thanks again for listening.