How Executive Moms Can Ditch the Pressure and Actually Enjoy Your Summer

[00:00:02] Welcome to Leadership in Motherhood, the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving women navigating leadership in the boardroom and at home. I'm your host, Leanna Lasky-McGrath, business leader, mom, and certified executive coach. I believe that every woman deserves to create a life and career on her own terms, one that she truly loves. This podcast is here to help you do just that. Let's get started.

[00:00:30] Hi, everyone. Welcome back for the final episode of season two. It is June. How? How? If you're anything like me, you're wondering, how are we already at summer? Man, time flies. It feels like school just started and now summer's here. So if you've got school-age kids, your kids are probably either already out of school or getting out of school soon.

[00:00:57] So I wanted to talk about that today because I always think about all of us working moms during the summer. And I think that summer is an especially tricky time to be a parent because we've got narratives out there that are saying like, you only have 18 summers with your kids. So make the most of them.

[00:01:21] And as well-meaning as I think that is, you know, to remind us that we want to enjoy the time with our kids. I think it also, especially for high achievers, feels like a lot of pressure because we want to maximize everything. And we're thinking like, oh, what if I don't make the most of it? I don't want to, I don't want to waste it.

[00:01:46] And it honestly kind of takes me back to early motherhood. I don't know if you had this experience, but it's something that I lived myself and I hear from so many other moms as well. And it's something that I always warn moms to be about. Everyone tells you in those early days, it goes so fast, enjoy it.

[00:02:07] And then when you're sitting there not enjoying it because you're trying to enjoy it and you want to enjoy it. And certainly there are parts you enjoy, but also you're not sleeping and you are adjusting to this new schedule and this whole new brand new thing in your life of having a baby and motherhood and your hormones and everything.

[00:02:31] Then like, you're just not going to enjoy it every single minute. And then you feel like you're failing because you're like, I'm supposed to be enjoying this and I'm not because life is 50 50 and you're a human.

[00:02:45] And so I think that it reminds me of that a little bit of this kind of like highly pressurized situation where it feels very finite. Like I only have this time. And then we put pressure on ourselves and society puts pressure on us as well to just enjoy it, enjoy it, enjoy it, enjoy it, and be present all the time.

[00:03:07] And so then when we're not enjoying it, we feel like we're doing something wrong. And so I just want to say to all the executive moms, all the working moms out there who inevitably are not going to enjoy every single moment of the summer. Number one, that's completely normal. Number two, you are not alone. And number three, there is nothing wrong with you. You're not doing it wrong.

[00:03:34] You are not supposed to enjoy every single moment because you're not a robot. I hope that allows you to just exhale a little bit because here's the reality. If you have a vacation plan this summer and you're so looking forward to it and all year, whenever you've been having a bad day, you think about this vacation and then you get there and it's not perfect, right?

[00:04:02] Something happens. There's a rainy day and your whole family stuck inside a tiny hotel room and it's fine for the first day because you play games and make the most of it. But by the second day of rain, you're just like, you know, oh my gosh, our vacation, this is totally different than what I had pictured in my head.

[00:04:21] And we're all cooped up and everyone starts bickering. And it's not how we planned it. It's not what we had in our heads. Or maybe you plan the perfect dinner for the last night. And, you know, you think like, this is going to be one of those core memories for my kids.

[00:04:39] And then the kids end up fighting the whole time or the restaurants out of Mac and cheese. And there's a total meltdown. These things happen, right? So a couple of things I want to say about this. First of all, I think it's very important to be intentional about what we want to create.

[00:04:57] But I think it's also important to be intentional with flexibility. And secondly, even more important than being intentional about our vision for an event of how it goes, we need to be intentional about how we want to be in the situation rather than how we want everything to go.

[00:05:17] I think a lot of times we try to control all of the circumstances. So like, let's say we're planning a family reunion, you know, big party, then we're trying to make sure that we have all the logistics covered. And, you know, we've got a whole plan in place. And that's fine. Like, that's what we do, right? But then we start to think about how it's going to go. And we get this vision in our minds.

[00:05:41] And I think the reality is, is that we cannot control every circumstance. We can't control everything that's happening there, right? We can't control if the baby skipped a nap, or if your school age kid just got their teacher assignment and found out their best friend isn't in their class and they're just devastated, right? You can't plan for everything.

[00:06:04] You can't plan for if the cousins that haven't seen each other in 10 years and are on opposite sides of the political spectrum are getting into a heated argument. We cannot control all the other people around us. And we can't even control all of the circumstances that surround us. But what we can control, and this is what we sometimes forget, what we can control is how we want to be,

[00:06:30] how we want to show up to the situation, to any situation, whether it is the perfect vision, the ideal scenario that we had imagined in our minds, or something else. And so for me, I have found that whenever I spend more time thinking about how do I want to be envisioning that rather than envisioning this like perfect set of circumstances that may or may not happen,

[00:06:59] then I end up feeling better about the event because I end up showing up more like how I want to show up. So what I can decide is how do I want to show up? How do I want to handle whatever comes up? What is my response going to be? Do I need a mantra or something to remind myself up to bring myself back? So the first question is always, how do I want to show up? And for me, one of the ways that I really like to show up is calm, like a calm, confident leader.

[00:07:29] And when I commit to being calm, it means I'm being calm regardless of what's happening around me. Because here's what we know, how we feel comes from what we're thinking. It does not come from the external circumstances happening. So my kid can have a meltdown, the caterer can be late, it can pour down rain, there can be family arguments, none of that has to change how I am deciding to show up.

[00:07:55] So then the question becomes, what do I need to be thinking in those moments to stay calm? And for me, everything is okay, or this is fine, doesn't work because it feels like I'm gaslighting myself when things are just like clearly not okay, because my brain's screaming, everything's on fire, something terrible is happening. And for me, what works better is to bring myself back to capability.

[00:08:21] I am capable of handling this. If we think about all of the things that we've handled in our lives, that we have overcome, then we should have all the confidence in the world that we can handle whatever's in front of us, whatever might come up. So that's something that I bring myself back to whenever my brain's telling me like, the house is burning down. And, you know, this is terrible, this terrible thing is happening.

[00:08:47] And when I start to think that, then like I start to get heightened, I start, my chest starts to get tight, I start to feel really anxious. And then I remind myself, I'm capable of handling this. Or another one that I like to remind myself of is one that I picked up from Dr. Becky Kennedy. This is not an emergency. The caterer being late is not an emergency.

[00:09:10] It is part of the curriculum for the day. It's just something to deal with. So I can still be calm. I can still be a calm, confident leader, even when, even when the caterer is late, even when there's a meltdown, even when there's a fight. So think about how you want to be this summer, how you want to approach this summer, maybe calm, maybe present, maybe grounded, whatever it is for you.

[00:09:37] And then ask yourself, what do I need to tell myself to get there? What are the things that I need to remind myself? What are the thoughts that I can think that I can access right now in a calm situation that I can bring into a situation where there's chaos around me and I can stand there and still be strong and calm and confident and a leader

[00:10:02] in the face of all of it. And then one more thing is that I think it's really important to not put so much pressure on individual moments by telling ourselves this will never happen again. This might be true, but thinking it on repeat just isn't really helpful because it creates that scarcity and creates that kind of feeling where we're like, oh, you know, anxious about making sure that we make

[00:10:29] the most of it. I think anytime I am saying I need to make the most of something, that's something where I catch myself and think, okay, all right, what am I doing right now? Why am I feeling like I need to make the most of this situation? And is that really true? And what if I just enjoyed this situation? What if I just was there and present for whatever the situation brings,

[00:10:53] rather than pressurizing the situation and making it feel like a high stakes thing that it doesn't have to feel like. So instead try, I have this moment. How do I want to show up to it? How can I be present in a way that I'll be proud of when I look back? And when it doesn't go perfectly, when you don't show up

[00:11:17] perfectly, because sometimes it won't, even with the best intentions, even when you plan ahead, I think it's so important to cut yourself some slack. You are a human, not a superhuman, not a robot. And I think here's the part that we will often skip because it feels painful. Instead of piling on shame and trying to

[00:11:41] move past what happened, you know, like, let's say that you plan on being calm. And then all this stuff happened and you stay calm for the first five things that happened. But then the sixth thing happened and you lost it and you were not the person that you wanted to be. You started yelling or you weren't the you that you wanted to be in that moment. I think it's normal for us to feel

[00:12:05] guilty or feel shameful. And maybe we needed to make some repairs with the people, maybe with ourselves as well. But here's where we miss out when we pile on shame is that we don't evaluate. And the only way for us to improve at this, the only way for us to get better and have a higher chance of staying calm

[00:12:33] in a future situation or, or confident or, or however you've decided you want to be is to look at when we're not look at when it didn't work and say, what happened? And like, just be curious and not judgmental. I plan to be calm. And instead I lost it. What was going on there? Did I forget to eat? Maybe I, I missed a meal. And so therefore I wasn't fully resourced in that moment. Did I not,

[00:13:03] not sleep well? Was I running a thought on a loop? Was there a certain thought that kept going and going? Like this is a once in a lifetime thing, or I have to make the most of it. Did I ask for help or did I put everything on myself? Whenever we can get curious after those moments where we weren't our best selves, that's where we can learn. And that's where we can improve. And also it's great to get

[00:13:28] curious when we are about selves too. Like what went right there? Why was I able to show up calm? What were the things I was thinking? What were the thoughts I was practicing? What kinds of things that I do to take care of myself, to make sure that I was set up for success in that situation. And the more that we do this with intention. So we go into a situation, having planned for how we want

[00:13:54] to approach it. And then we do the situation and then we spend time afterwards evaluating. That's how we get better at this. That's when we can start to show up how we want to show up more and more often, never with the expectation that we're going to do it perfectly a hundred percent of the time, but that we are getting better and better at it. Now, I also want to acknowledge something

[00:14:18] practical about summer. If you have little ones, then your schedule might not change all that much. It might not look all that different than it has been, but you might still feel that guilt, that pressure, that sense that you should be doing more because of the whole 18 summers narrative. And if you have school age kids, then summer means a whole different routine. I know many moms are

[00:14:43] running the camp circuit this summer and the hours don't always align with working hours, or maybe we've pieced together care with neighbors or family members, or maybe we're working from home and we're just planning to have the kids home all summer. And all of that is challenging because the kids are on a different schedule. They might be overstimulated if they're at an outdoor camp

[00:15:13] all day long. You know, when they get home, if you've got them while you're working from home, you're doing two jobs and that's really challenging. So it's a lot. And I just want to acknowledge that because it is genuinely hard. So please give yourself some slack if you're not showing up a hundred percent the way you want to. And this is exactly why I put together a free guide to help you approach

[00:15:38] the summer intentionally. I know that you've already figured out the camps and the calendar. And so I created a guide with some reflective exercises, asking questions and taking you through the exercise that I always do at the beginning of this summer, asking yourself and asking your kids, what do we want to get out of this summer? How do I want to show up to this season?

[00:16:05] Where are we aligned? Where are there differences so that we can figure out how we're going to reconcile them? And then also planning ahead that if it doesn't go as planned, what are we going to tell ourselves? I've done webinars in past summers. I've done a bunch of podcast episodes on this topic before. So I decided to pull it all together and put it into one simple printable guide. If you'd like this

[00:16:30] guide, you can head on over to coachleanna.com slash summer and sign up to receive it. I really, really hope that it helps you have a summer that you're going to look back on and feel proud of, and that you're going to actually enjoy the summer and not feel completely stressed out by it. So again, it's coachleanna.com slash summer. A couple of quick podcast housekeeping notes that I want to

[00:16:57] share with you. First off this week, we're celebrating three years of the podcast, which is, it's just so exciting. I'm so proud of what we have created here. And it's been so fun having the second season of our newly branded podcast, leadership and motherhood. And this summer, now that season two has ended, I'm going to be taking a little bit of time to get season three ready for you.

[00:17:23] So in between seasons, there won't be a regular publishing schedule. So there won't be new episodes every Thursday. This is a great time to go back and listen to any episodes that you've missed or re-listen to episodes. I love re-listening to podcast episodes that I may maybe listen to a year ago, and then listening to them now from this place, from where I'm at with my new mindset

[00:17:48] is so interesting. But I may drop an episode here and there whenever there's something that I really feel compelled to share with you. Or if I talk to someone that I'm like, I have to get them on right now. So make sure you're subscribed to leadership and motherhood so that you don't miss anything. And also if you're on my email list, you'll hear about every episode that gets published and you'll hear about why I wrote it and why I chose that topic or that guest. Thank you again so much for tuning

[00:18:16] in. Hope you have enjoyed season two. I've loved the guests that we've had here on season two, and I hope that you have too. Don't forget to grab the free summer guide over at coachleana.com slash summer. And if you'd like to get in touch, if you are interested in exploring coaching, you can always connect with me at coachleana.com and sign up for a discovery session for us to

[00:18:40] talk through what's going on for you and what kind of life or career or summer you want to create. And we can talk through what it would look like to work together so that I can help support you in creating that. I would love to talk to you. I am wishing you exactly the summer that you want to have. Take care, everyone. Bye-bye. Thank you so much for listening to Leadership in Motherhood.

[00:19:06] I genuinely hope you're walking away with something helpful that will positively impact your life. If this podcast resonates with you, it would mean the world to me if you'd support the show by leaving a five-star rating on Apple or Spotify, sharing an episode you love with someone you care about, and or by following the show. I hope you'll join me again next week. And until then, I'm wishing you all the best in this season of your one and only Precious Life.