S6.12-146 - "Lyndsey" - Love, Protection, and Supporting Grieving Parents

[00:00:00] Hey there, I'm Jayma and over the past few years I've become very interested in onomatology, the study of names. I've never really liked my name until I researched the meaning of it. My name means paradigm shifter and I'd like to shift your paradigm by shining a light on onomatology and how it can potentially help you find your purpose, help you communicate better with others, or even both.

[00:00:26] In each episode, I ask someone 8 basic questions regarding their first name. So sit back, relax, and try to shift your paradigm with this next episode. Alright, on today's episode, I am interviewing somebody who I was friends with back in elementary school. It's been a very long time since I've talked to this person.

[00:00:53] I love her name and want to explore it with her and also talk a little bit about... Obviously, I'll do the standard 8 questions on this episode, but I also want to incorporate more of the topic of grief and exploring that. So welcome to the podcast, Lyndsey. Hey. So glad you're on. Thanks. I'm down in Huntsville, Alabama.

[00:01:21] So we moved down here about three years ago. I have two sons on the topic of grief. We lost one son about 10 months ago tomorrow. So my other son just turned 12 and we live on a homestead down in Alabama. And I'm a practicing nurse working in advocacy now. Awesome. That's great. I'm so glad that you're on the podcast. Thanks. Alright.

[00:01:50] So let's focus on your name first, your first name. And so I'm going to ask you the first question that I always ask everybody on the podcast, which is, before I brought up my podcast, did you actually know what your first name meant? Um, I did. I find it names are fascinating. Um, especially as I get more into like the Bible.

[00:02:14] When I looked it up originally, it was kind of a little bit like, eh, that's okay. But I think as you kind of, um, as I've gotten older, I've looked a little bit more into it, but I, it's a surname originally, um, from England. And it's, um, from a specific area. I think it's called like Lend, Lend Sage, Lend and Sage. Um, but then it became, I guess, whoever lived there, then they took on the name.

[00:02:43] And then, um, it means Isle of Linden Trees, I believe. Um, so I was kind of like, as a kid, I was like, maybe more of a teenager, but I was like, well, that's kind of weird. Um, named after a tree. Um, and then I have asked my parents, you know, like what, like about my name? Like, Oh, what, why did you pick my name? And they were like, Oh, we just kind of liked it.

[00:03:10] And then, you know, back, I was born in 84. So my mom said that they didn't want something that my name could be shortened. So like, they liked the name Samantha, but they didn't want to name me, me being called Sam. And then they liked the name Heather, but they felt like everybody was being a Heather. So I don't know if that's around the time the movie Heathers came out or not. Um, so they liked Lindsay.

[00:03:35] And then I've recently found out, cause I asked my mom this past week, I'm like, how again, did you pick my name? And, um, she was just like, Oh, we just kind of liked it. And she went through the other names again. And I was like, well, I already knew that. And then she had asked my dad just to try to stir up. And he had brought up, um, Lindsay Wagner, who was the, um, bionic woman. And so my mom was kind of like, what? So I guess I don't know if he thought she was fancy. I don't know.

[00:04:06] Yeah. So. Awesome. Yeah. You are spot on in terms of the definition, uh, and the origin of being old English. Uh, I do have a little bit more information. I'd love to share with you on the name. Sure. I thought it was pretty interesting. The more I, uh, dug deeper. And so, uh, the name Lindsay did reach its highest rank at number. 35 on the U S social security administration charts in 1984. You said that year.

[00:04:36] So that was the most. My mom was not. It was before the internet. My mom didn't know. She didn't have the baby names list. Cause I went to school with several Lindsay's. So I think there was at least three, uh, three of us. Yeah. Yeah. Right on trend with that. And, um, I looked up the word Linden.

[00:04:59] And, uh, it said Linden is a large shade tree with heart shaped leaves and sweet smelling yellow flowers. And then I looked up what is the symbolism of a tree. And it said trees symbolize life, growth, strength, and the deep connection between the earth and the sky across nearly all human cultures.

[00:05:24] Um, and then I did one more, uh, look up, which is, I just looked up what is the symbolism of a Linden tree. And it said, love, truth, justice, and protection. So with that information, I'm just curious, like, what are your initial thoughts about that? Um, those are all things that I hope to be in this world. So it's cool. So. Yeah. Awesome.

[00:05:54] All right, cool. Uh, and so I take it, you like the meaning of your name or kind of just. It never really was. Um, my parents spelled it different. So it's typically spelled L I N D S E or S A Y mine spelled L Y N D S E. Why? Um, so it was always like, I never could get the, I'm sure like you, I could never find the little license plates or the stuff with your name on it.

[00:06:24] Yeah. I'd be always be like, Oh, I think my, one of my grandparents one time found or had something made with it just specifically. But, um, my parents, I, people call me, you know, like Lynn's. So my mom was like, we still ended up shortening it to Lynn's. So, um, so I've just always kind of been like, I guess I haven't really ever, you don't really think about it till you're naming your own children, I guess. Yeah.

[00:06:52] Just the importance of like their names and, um, all that kind of stuff. So it's just kind of like, that's what you're given. And, um, so I was just, I guess always okay with it. I was like, I don't really feel like I'm a Heather or Samantha. So, yeah, but. Yeah. I've always liked your name. Um, especially because my middle name is Lynn. So it's very similar and as a portion of your name.

[00:07:20] So, um, I think it's beautiful. It's, and it's, it feels like very peaceful and healing in a way. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. When you already answered the question of how did your parents choose your name? Did you want to give any, any more information about that or we can move on to the next one? If you know, I just, like I said, they were kind of like went through the exclusion part, but not the, um, you know, I think a lot of times today we find names online.

[00:07:49] So you're like, oh, I want to have this or, you know, if I guess she's AI now. And, um, but you could be like, oh, I want my name to be, you know, cause there's a lot of interesting names out there for sure. Especially working as a nurse, you see, um, a lot of names you're like, oh, that's interesting. Or how do you pronounce that? So, um, so yeah, just that that's so funny.

[00:08:14] I'll have to tell my mom that about the 1984, that being the 35 picked name. Cause she was probably like, what? Yeah. Okay. And have you ever had the thought cross your mind growing up? I wish I had a different name. Um, I probably thought it at some point or just people's names. I was like, oh, I really liked that name. Or maybe I'll keep that name in mind for like a kid, um, when I get older.

[00:08:44] So, um, I think it was more in just maybe the spelling of just, and being a kid of like, this isn't, this isn't fair. Yeah. But, um, and just always having to spell my name. Um, because that's another point. And then what other people here? I know that's one of the questions too. Um, the names I've been called. Yeah. So has your name been mispronounced actually? Cause I feel like it wouldn't be.

[00:09:14] Oh, it is. Um, really? So as when I was in high school and college, I worked at a nursing home as a, um, nursing assistant. And when I would say Lindsay, I don't know if it's just how I say it or if I talk faster when I say it, but they would hear Wendy. Um, so I'd have patients, old people screaming down the hallway, Wendy. And I would just be like, who's Wendy. Um, Lindy.

[00:09:42] And I'm like, I think I've heard of like a couple of people named Lindy. Um, but it's mostly like Wendy and Lindy. And there might be one or two in there, but it's mostly like a hearing issue. So, um, but most of the time it's spelling is the issue. Gotcha. All right. And, um, if you were forced to change your first name, is there a name that you like that you would choose?

[00:10:14] Um, I like the name Nora. That's pretty neat. Um, I've always liked the name Charlotte. Like if we would have had a girl with my youngest, I was gonna name it Charlotte, but that was right around the time of like, uh, Prince, what's his name? Um, William when they had their Charlotte. So I was like, Oh, I can't name, you know, can't name Charlotte now. Cause that name's popular, but I like the name. Um, cause I've heard different people named like Lottie or, um, Char or different things. So.

[00:10:45] Yeah, that is really cute. Cute. Okay. Okay. And two more questions on your name. So do you think the meaning of your name, uh, when you look into like the symbolism of a Linden tree, uh, symbolizing love, truth, justice, and protection. Do you think that that has any relevance on the way that you act or the way that you see the world around you?

[00:11:16] Um, like I said, I definitely hope to be those things. Um, I definitely innately have a deep sense of like wanting justice. Um, um, I guess both good and bad, but, um, just justice for the people that are underserved in society, you know, I've always been very, um, protective over like elderly kids.

[00:11:42] Um, and I guess just going into nursing, um, I've just always innately been a caretaker. Um, so like I said, I hope to be all those things. Um, but, um, yeah. Okay. Great. Great. And my last question on names is I was curious.

[00:12:12] So like I started this podcast over two years ago and I wanted to know what books were saying about the significance of names. And I know you mentioned this earlier too. Like as I've been reading the Bible more and more, I have noticed there's quite a few people where it mentions that their names were changed. And, uh, I was just curious what your opinion is about, like, if we just focus on the example in Genesis where God goes to Abram and says, Hey, you're going to change your name to Abraham.

[00:12:40] And then you're going to change your wife's name. I'm just curious, like what your opinion is about, what do you think the significance is of that story being put in the Bible versus just skipping over it and starting with like, this is Abraham. And this is Sarah. Like, what do you think the significance is? Um, I do like just in general, the Hebrew, like a Hebrew name always means something.

[00:13:05] So I always find that interesting as I go through and, you know, just like Hebrew words, even like there's all these, you know, multiple definitions of multiple words for love, whereas we just have love, but there's multiple definitions of like a certain kind of love. And they have that more in their, um, language than we do.

[00:13:27] Um, and so I think within the Bible saying that to me, it's a reflection of just like part of its, um, obedience, like this is what you're going to be called now. And another part is just like, this is who God says you are now. So it's kind of like there's, um, we have a, uh, picture in our house of, and it's just like a sheet, a fun sheet, but it's all the names of God.

[00:13:54] Um, so, you know, even if you just look at all of the different names and they all mean different things, you know, so it's like, um, I think it's just part of names have meanings. And, um, I think a lot of times in our culture, it's just like, oh, that's pretty. And I think sometimes even today, more people are kind of getting into like, what is the actual name behind meaning behind the name?

[00:14:22] Um, cause like we were in Alaska this summer and I met a guy that he's a, a messianic Jew and works for Samaritan's Purse. And, um, he was like explaining to me his name. Cause I was like, oh, what does that mean? And so he's like explaining to me and, uh, and he was a jokester anyways, but he was, I think, um, you know, his name reflected back on God. Um, so I just thought that was cool.

[00:14:51] But I think in the Bible, it's just showing us like who you are now in God, you know, even like Saul to Paul and, um, uh, Peter getting, you know, um, his name. So I think it's just a form of obedience and also a form of like, this is who God calls you. And this is who you should like, this is who you are now, not who, what your past or whatever is that was dictating that.

[00:15:19] So, yeah, I love that. That's true. Like right on point. And I totally agree. Awesome. Well, thank you for answering those questions. You're welcome. Really appreciate your take on that. And, um, I do want to pivot the conversation a little bit now towards grief. And I think it's interesting.

[00:15:43] Um, over the last three years, I have lost three very close people in my life. And, and then a fourth one, um, not physically. I will kind of physically. He is still alive. Um, but just in terms of losing him in my everyday life, uh, with my son going to college, but then losing three other people to cancer or a house fire or, um, health issues.

[00:16:12] And I know that you have lost your son and I'm, oh, it just like, it hurts my heart. Like just being a mom and having a son, like, and I know it hasn't even been a year yet. So that just like in and of itself, like breaks my heart. Um, but I like in experiencing grief in different ways over the last few years, I have found, come to find that like grief is so complex and it's so important to understand it. Even though we may not ever fully understand it.

[00:16:42] I think it's healthy to talk about. There has been a series from Anderson Cooper that I've really grown to love that he, um, does. I think it's called all there is. And, um, I just think it's so important to learn about grief and to share it, not to obsess over it, but to understand, try to understand it.

[00:17:06] And so I wanted to ask you a few questions about your perspective and your experience in grief to hopefully help other people. Mm-hmm. Um, so the first question I wanted to ask is what unhelpful advice do people give and what do you wish they would say or do instead?

[00:17:33] Oh, um, I haven't personally. Um, I know a lot of people I see talk about that, um, people just expect them to get over it. And like, after it's been so long, well, it's been this long. Why are you still grieving? And I personally have not had that in my life. Um, we have a very supportive church.

[00:17:55] I have friends, you know, that are very supportive family, um, because, you know, certain kind, like I won't ever get over the death of my child. Um, and so I think, you know, people say things, they try to be helpful and they try to be, you know, I've had people talk, talk to me about, oh, I had a miscarriage. And you're like, okay.

[00:18:21] And so then you end up like, it can be something like that. Or they're just like, oh, everything has a purpose, like a reason. And, um, or what else have I heard? I don't know. There's a lot of funny, like dark humor memes online about it. But, um, I think it's just, it goes back to like, if you look at Job, like his friends sat with him and were with him.

[00:18:48] And then when they started to open their mouths, that's when like, they got in trouble. So it's like, I don't need your advice. Like, sometimes I just need you to sit with me. Just, I have friends that text me and just, you know, like, hey, I was thinking about you today. Or like knowing the dates of people, like if they've passed, like, you know, like their birthdays or, you know, just knowing things about the person that you're talking to and the person that passed.

[00:19:15] You know, or like I said, just checking in and not making me. A lot of times people are like, let me know what you need. And it's like, first of all, I don't know what I need. And second of all, you're putting it back on that person to feel like they have to respond. So it's like, sometimes if you're in a physical, like I'm close to you, like, hey, instead of being like, hey, can I, would you like me to bring you dinner? Just, or if you ever want dinner, let me know.

[00:19:43] And it's instead just say like, hey, I'm going to bring you dinner this day. Does this day or this day, which works better? You know what I mean? So it's just kind of not putting that on them because there's a really big haze initially over everything. Both my husband and I as professions, we have to deal with things, you know, like he was in the military as special operations. I'm a nurse.

[00:20:10] So it's like, I've always been very like put together in the moment. And then afterwards I fall apart. So I think you're kind of in this like adrenaline haze at the beginning. And then as you get further away from it, certain things become more pronounced. And I think that's the kind of weird thing about grief. Yeah. As time moves on, it moves differently.

[00:20:40] So. Yeah. No, that all makes sense. And yeah, the few people that I've talked to who have lost a very close person in their life have said similar things. So that's good to know. Yeah. For sure.

[00:20:59] My second question is, how has your relationship with the person that you lost changed over time since you lost them? How has my relationship changed?

[00:21:16] I think that you're always kind of afraid that you're forgetting them as each day moves on. That like, you're never going to have enough pictures. You're never going to have enough videos of them.

[00:21:46] And then on that, I think back to people, you know, like that didn't have a cell phone or, you know, my grandpa was always really good about pictures and all that recording stuff. So I've always had a good amount of pictures on my mom's side of like everybody. But even before that, I'm just like fearing you're going to like forget their name, like how they sound and their voice.

[00:22:20] The thing that's hard right now is just getting closer to his birthday and his, you know, date of death and his birthday are about two weeks apart. So just seeing other kids, just like a year has gone by, you know, so it's like how much bigger would he be? How much different would he be?

[00:22:45] So it's just, you know, I saw some friends the other day that they were both his kindergarten co-op teachers and their boys were friends with him. And they've both been fantastic. They're both, you know, godly women that have done a lot for us. But it's like people see me and feel bad for what I lack and losing my son, you know, not having him. And then I see them and I'm like, like I get sad because I'm like, oh, look how much bigger they are.

[00:23:15] Look how much. So it's always kind of just frozen, I guess. Like you have the last picture you took of him and that's like what's there forever. Yeah. So I guess that's like the hard part. Like when everybody else, you know, I have a niece that's 13 days older than Wyatt.

[00:23:39] And so, you know, just seeing her get bigger and like going through milestones that you feel like your child should be going through too, you know, and they're not.

[00:24:18] Yeah. I'm interested in like the near death experience stuff. So people that have had something happen and they, you know, there's a pastor that he, I think he was originally an engineer. I forget his name right now, but he ended up becoming a pastor because of this, but he just started talking to people and like their experiences. And they all had these similar things. So he, you know, gauges it against the Bible.

[00:24:50] See if it's scripturally correct. And, you know, there are people that talk about like we kind of like that we know what we're coming to down here. Because if you really think about energy and, you know, like where are we at before here, like that we pick it and we know it. And that's the way we live on earth is how we choose to glorify God. And we're trying to learn more about how to be closer to God. So I find a lot of these kids that have cancer, they're just like, they're just different.

[00:25:21] They're just, they're light. Right. Yeah. So I think that they know, like he would tell me every time he would go under radiation that he saw Jesus and that Jesus said he would be okay. So. Wow. Which is terrifying, like reassuring and terrifying at the same time. Yeah. But some people do talk about that, you know, there's. Everybody's about the age of 30. You know, there's most like lots of ones with that.

[00:25:50] But I think why I like those so much is because like, there's obviously the Bible that talks about like, oh, you know, different things. And I mean, even I think somebody, I forget who it is in the Bible that had a near death experience when he talks about the third heaven. But that. Just the love they talk about. Like they're met with people that know them. Like there's just so much love and it's just so beautiful.

[00:26:19] And so I think that in itself, it just gives me like a reassurance of like, like I know where he's at. But just more of a comfort in that, I guess, because as a parent, you're kind of like, oh, I know you love him more than me, but he's still the best here with me. Yeah. Yeah. But no, he's, he's good up in heaven. So I don't know. I would. I don't know.

[00:26:48] I've heard people talk about both. And. Um. I don't know. I think it'd be cool to see him get older because, but then it's also. Are we just. Um. Stuck forever at the same. As if you think about babies, you know, um. Miscarriages and things like that. Yeah. Uh huh. So it's definitely interesting and just. Um.

[00:27:16] It always gives me kind of a piece of like every single person just is like, oh, it's just like the love and like Jesus is like. Amazing. Amazing. And, you know, so it's. It makes me long for heaven that much more. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. It is one of those questions that you're like, huh. That's. That's interesting to think about. Yeah. I have two more questions and I hope these are a little bit more on the positive lighter side.

[00:27:45] So what has been the most comforting thing that a friend has done for you in the last 10 months? Um. I think just check on me. That they just always listen and they're calm and patient with me. Um. You know, they're like, you don't have to apologize. You know, if I get upset or. Because, you know, people always have a tendency to. Like I've. You know, already done or I'm just like, sorry.

[00:28:14] Like I get caught up and I'm just like, oh, I'm sorry. And they're like, you don't have to be sorry. Um. So it's just. I guess witnessing my grief. Um. Or like, how can I pray for you? That's one thing that helped us out. Yeah. A ton. I've been praying for you. Both during, you know, the six months. That we battled it with him. And then, you know, the last 10 of just. Specifically asking how. People can pray for you. Because I think.

[00:28:44] I've felt. The peace of God. And the peace of people praying for me. Because I've had peace when I shouldn't have it. Um. Or just a calmness that is not. My own. Yeah. For sure. Not my own. So. I think it's just. Um. Having people like. Your community matters. Um. Having believers around you matter. So. It's just.

[00:29:13] Because I don't know how somebody gets through certain things without a faith that. This isn't all random. This isn't all. Like, this is it. Because. That's terrible. Yeah. Totally agree. My last question. It is pretty similar. Um. But. What small thing. So if you take. Community. Out. What's.

[00:29:42] One small thing that brings you peace. On a really hard day. Um. Just praying. Um. Because you're going to have the times. You know. Especially with. Um. The way the world is. Where. Um. It's. You have to pray. You know what I mean? Like. I have a million questions.

[00:30:12] And I know. They're not going to be answered this side of heaven. I mean. Even. There was a family here that. They were. Mom was in a car accident. And the mom and. Three of the four children were killed. Mm. And. You know. There's. I can look at things differently now. Than. I maybe could before. Of like. Oh my gosh. Like. I got to be there when my child. Passed away. And. I got to hold him.

[00:30:41] And not worry. And you know. That he was. In pain. Or. You know. Just the last time I saw him. Was the last time I saw him. Kind of thing. Or how you. Leave a conversation with somebody. So it's just. I can look at those type of things. And. I think you just find more. My husband and I were talking about it. I think yesterday. Just. How you find gratitude. And. Things more. Because you need gratitude. Um. You know. God wired us. You can't have. Fear and gratitude. At the same time. You can't have.

[00:31:11] Certain things at the same time. Yeah. Um. So I think it's just. Um. Just looking for. You know. Hey. There's like the Forrest Frank song. I play that sometimes. The thankful. It's like. Yeah. Yeah. In a bed. Yeah. So it's just. Music. Music has brought me peace in my life. For sure. Yeah. So just knowing that. Um. Like. Gratitude and prayer.

[00:31:41] Are kind of what helped me out. In my hard days. And you're going to have hard conversations with God. And that's okay. Because he can handle it. But. Yeah. Um. So. Yeah. Okay. Well thank you so much for. Answering those questions. And. Opening. Yourself up. To answering them. I. I know it's. Not always easy. But I think it will. Be helpful. And. To many people.

[00:32:12] Including myself. As I learn more about grief. So. And I love learning about your name. So thank you so much for. Being on the podcast. Yeah. Of course. Thank you for having me. Yeah. Oh. Did you have any questions for me? No. Other than. I've always loved your name. So. I remember. Thanks. I don't remember if I ever asked your mom. Or we talked about it when we. I feel like we did at some point. But. Because I was always like. Jayma. Yeah.

[00:32:43] Thank you. So. I'm so thankful that like. I do feel like God gave this podcast to me. As like a gift. Because I've been able to reconnect. With so many people. That I haven't talked to in forever. So. Like. So I'm very thankful. And. Just know that I. Will always be praying for you and your family. Thank you. I appreciate it. If you enjoyed this episode. Please take a moment to subscribe. Or follow the podcast. On your favorite platform.

[00:33:12] Your support helps me continue. Bringing you meaningful conversations. With remarkable guests. Don't forget to tune in next time. For more insightful discussions. And inspiring stories. Until then. Thank you for listening. And keep striving to make a positive impact. Wherever you are. And don't forget. To tap into the meaning of your own name. To find a deeper sense of confidence. In your purpose.